true to myself....

My last two attempts to put something down here turned out to be terrible flops. At the outset lemme pray that, it doesnt happen here. Sometimes I feel like writing abt something but then I would soon realise that I am writing bullshit.. and would stop right there..

There are some internal checks people like me always do.. I can not help it and I am conscious about it.

My first blog entry says

"Whatever I am gonna write here are some meaningless quibbles, which may or may not be a reflection of what I think, while I post.." Ofcourse one cannot write something by thinking some uncorrelated things..

what I ( probabily :D ) meant may be this

" This is my blog.. I like to express my present state of mind here. ( why people ever write diaries?? I never had one, but I always wanted to have one..) The post is such that I understand it, but you may not ( I dont have to care about you here rite?) ... So my "self expression" as inferred by you may not be same as the idea I had in mind when I expressed it in the post..

So we can say a post ( as understood by you) may or may not be a reflection of what I think while I post.

Now coming back to the original point about the internal checks... The thing I often feel guilty is that I always try to project the sunny shades of my life.. If it gets too sunny you say it as "too hot" to bear.. ( means I am flattering myself).. So sometimes when I write I feel the guilt that I am making it too hot, which tells me to quit that post... So if I want to get over this what should I do? should I allow some darker shades to get in through the filter.. May be then Its a true self expression and I need not worry about those checks and all..

May be you got the gist of my babblings.. In case not treat them as meaningless quibbles.. (actually they are :)

Else you assume this post as a sort of munkoor jaamyam [ right now I am not getting the english word for it .. Do I need to care :) ].

ps:

I didnt intend to write this ( actually thot of writing something which is not even remotely related ) when I started...I now have to finish lots of report writing work which I have to submit in 2 days and I havent started anything yet... promised to start jogging early morning tomorrow... promises to keep!! so am gonna sleep !!! Gute nacht !!