mazha..

It is raining outside my window... ( രാത്രിമഴ ..)

Cut the crap :).. lemme use this space to just mark the occasion .. ( This year, the Mumbai rains started on this day evening.. though there was a slight drizzle a few days back in the early morning..)

Remember as a kid I hated the rains as it filled up the fields in the neighborhood, and that meant no more play outside... It is synonymous with power cut in my poor state.. But then the occasional floods, which dissolved the boundaries between the roads and fields, the boundary between the canal and our orchard were merry time for us friends. Wading along the roads with water as high as your waist.. Grown-ups, small children, and of course not so small girls...

Today I simply loved the rain. Didn't miss the chance to get wet in the first rain...

ബാലപംക്തി :)

അന്നു പാതിരായ്ക്കു കോഴി കൂവി

“ കാലന്‍ കോഴി കൂവുന്നതാ‍.. ഇന്നു എന്തെങ്കിലും അരുതാത്തതു സംഭവിക്കും.. ശിവ ശിവ..” : മുത്തശ്ശി..

ആ രാത്രി കടന്നു പോയി.. എന്നെത്തേയും പോലെ.

പിറ്റേന്നും അവന്‍ കൂവി...

“ ഇന്നലെ കാലന്‍ ഒഴിഞ്ഞു പോയതാ ഇനി ഇന്നാവും.. വിധി അതു അനുഭവിച്ചേ പറ്റു.. “

പിറ്റേന്നു കിഴക്കു വെള്ളകീറി.. ജനാലപ്പാളികളിലൂടെ എത്തി നോക്കി സൂര്യന്‍ ആ വീട്ടുകാരെ വിളിച്ചുണര്‍ത്തി.. അയാളേയും...

“ ഇതു ഇനി ഇങ്ങനെ വിട്ടാല്‍ പറ്റില്ല.. ഒരു തീര്‍പ്പുണ്ടാക്കണം...“ അയാള്‍ മനസ്സില്‍ പറഞ്ഞു..

അന്നു ഉച്ചയ്ക്കു അയളുടെ വീട്ടില്‍ കോഴിക്കറിയായിരുന്നു..

അങ്ങനെ ഒരു ദുഃമരണം നടന്നുകഴിഞ്ഞിരിക്കുന്നു ....


ps: Finally I succeeded in writing something in malayalam here.. Don't know how many spelling mistakes I have made here, coz my Firefox sucks, big time with malayalam fonts.. So selected this short one which was written long back and was never seen by anyone other than myself.

I'm not very sure if my concept about 'kalankozhi' is true.. I have been told like this, when asked.. In my opinion, if u show a torch to a poovankozhi at night, it will start kooving.. :D..

humbled... humiliated...

It would have been one of the happiest days of my life. The day on which my eighth standard vocations had started. It was an year in which my fortunes took a turn for good...Two months of cricket..cricket..more cricket and only cricket.. I was on my way home after the day's action: It had been customary that my vacations always started or school days ended with us playing cricket in Palace ground with the fellow model boyites...

In an unforgettable moment, I realized all my dreams collapsed and my vocations could be ruined. . I had left the cricket bat I borrowed from a not-so-close friend of mine in the ground itself. My absent mindness once again poked me, but this time a bit too heavily. The last bit of fading hope deserted me when I found the dead and empty ground on rushing back.. Somebody had taken it..might have used it for firewood

It was one of my childhood desires to possess an SG, a GEM, or a BDM cricket bat, but my miser parents wouldn't buy me one.. And when they bought one, It was a 60 rs. rocking feather weight which could be used for playing badminton...( On retrospection I luv my parents for instilling modesty in me!! wht if they gave me all the things I desire...). Ok now coming back to the story, the one I lost was an SG, a pretty old one ..but a new one costed around 1000 even at that time. I was so affraid to tell this to anyone especialy my parents as if I believed their love for me is not worth sparing 1000 rs on such a petty issue. I was convinced that I should somehow buy a new one or return the equivalent amount.. whom to ask.. whom to beg.. I couldn't steal.. I didnt know any job nor wasn't that gutsy to take up one and make the money myself..

I hit this plan. Started filling a coca-coala ( coke returned to india around that time) can with whatever money I got.. I began looking up in all cup-boards, all table-tops for scattered coins.. Some times I would creep in my parent's bed room when they napped in the afternoons to check-up their cupboards... Was that stealing?. Somehow I never believed collecting scattered coins as stealing..

But how much one can collect that way.. Filled up the can, but it was hardly 100 rs.. The issue did settle. I did not have to use my hard-earned money.. I never told the parents about it yet..
I didnt steal either... Let's leave the 'how' part for the time being... It was settled respectably for both the parties atleast for my mind..

There are some events in our life, which we often wish should never have happened.. If ever I get a time machine to fly back in time, to erase the past, this one would have come second at the top of my priority list.. ( No prize for guessing the first.. But you will never find it out yourself..)

I do often say 'pride' is everything to me.. I give favours but never take any (pls don't misunderstand me here :) ). I never cry, never want anyone to sympathize with me. But somewhere I read if you are not rich, you cannot afford to be proud... People listen to those who earn more money.. those who are more successful in their eyes...

my experience humbled me, lowered my head for a while..made me cry... It taught me many lessons in life.

true to myself....

My last two attempts to put something down here turned out to be terrible flops. At the outset lemme pray that, it doesnt happen here. Sometimes I feel like writing abt something but then I would soon realise that I am writing bullshit.. and would stop right there..

There are some internal checks people like me always do.. I can not help it and I am conscious about it.

My first blog entry says

"Whatever I am gonna write here are some meaningless quibbles, which may or may not be a reflection of what I think, while I post.." Ofcourse one cannot write something by thinking some uncorrelated things..

what I ( probabily :D ) meant may be this

" This is my blog.. I like to express my present state of mind here. ( why people ever write diaries?? I never had one, but I always wanted to have one..) The post is such that I understand it, but you may not ( I dont have to care about you here rite?) ... So my "self expression" as inferred by you may not be same as the idea I had in mind when I expressed it in the post..

So we can say a post ( as understood by you) may or may not be a reflection of what I think while I post.

Now coming back to the original point about the internal checks... The thing I often feel guilty is that I always try to project the sunny shades of my life.. If it gets too sunny you say it as "too hot" to bear.. ( means I am flattering myself).. So sometimes when I write I feel the guilt that I am making it too hot, which tells me to quit that post... So if I want to get over this what should I do? should I allow some darker shades to get in through the filter.. May be then Its a true self expression and I need not worry about those checks and all..

May be you got the gist of my babblings.. In case not treat them as meaningless quibbles.. (actually they are :)

Else you assume this post as a sort of munkoor jaamyam [ right now I am not getting the english word for it .. Do I need to care :) ].

ps:

I didnt intend to write this ( actually thot of writing something which is not even remotely related ) when I started...I now have to finish lots of report writing work which I have to submit in 2 days and I havent started anything yet... promised to start jogging early morning tomorrow... promises to keep!! so am gonna sleep !!! Gute nacht !!